pilgrams, indians, and corn

This week marked the beginning of Thanksgiving week, something that should not be overlooked or undermarketed. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for Christmas music, wrapping paper and fun but first you must be thankful and grateful before you can be bountiful. I feel Christmas has become the overmarketed, highly publicized, shopping spree. I feel people have forgotten the true meaning of Christmas which makes me cringe when they completely jump over Thanksgiving without a thought and head straight for Black Friday. I wish sometimes that the world would slow down, take a deep breath and thank God for everything He has given them. Yes I said everything He has given them, not what they feel they have worked or earned for. Without God they wouldn't have the abilities or talents to have achieved such great things. So please let's remember pilgrams and indians who didn't have anything by todays society's standards had more corn than they could imagine because they were blessed by God and knew it!
Okay, off my soap box. I made it through my trip to Alabama. It was a long, tiring trip but it was a nice payoff to play in the Guld of Mexico in November! I only have my finals left, then five weeks of freedom (besides work). And I only have three semesters left before I *may* be done with school forever!!! =) This is definitely something to be grateful for!
Some things I learned last week...beignets from anywhere but Daddy's kitchen or Cafe Du Mont, just don't compare. There really are 6'10" men out there who actually can play basketball. (p.s. I feel quite short when standing next to them). There is something to be said about learning how to suture on a pig's foot. It's okay to make a C on a test every now and then. I DO NOT have to be a straight A student. 14hours in a car with two other hormonal women makes for a long trip but some good laughs too. There is strength in numbers, 140 FNP students have something to prove when our minds get together! I don't like to travel without my husband. My dogs really are like my kids. Alexandria, Louisania has something foul in it's air, literally. Katrina's effects can still be felt on the Gulf Coast. Whataburger has milk shakes that aren't that good. And last but not least, nothing ever worth having was easy to get.
Happy Turkey Day to everyone...remember thankful before bountiful. =)

The leaves are falling....

tonight is my third test in one of my classes...only one more to go (at least in that class, three total)! I don't think I have ever anticipated a Christmas break so much!!!
The leaves are falling outside and I haven't decided if that makes me excited for the much anticipated Christmas break, or sad to see such fleeting beauty. It's mixed emotions. Christmas is by far my favorite holiday but I think I would have to agree with Paula Deen, Thanksgiving is the real family holiday. There are not gifts involved to spoil the true meaning of the holiday. There may be loads of food but no one really intends to mess with the traditions we have all come to love about Thanksgiving. This will be my 6th Thanksgiving to work. I'm beginning to think that is a tradition in and of itself. I like working on Thanksgiving simply because the unit is normally a little less hectic. It gives me time to go spend time with my patients and realize how blessed and thankful I am. And of course all the cranberry sauce!
Even though it's early, I would like to share all the things I am thankful for this season:
1. My God and Savior who love me unconditionally and gave the utmost sacrifice for me!
2. My husband who also loves me unconditionally (along with my dogs =) )
3. My family who also loves me unconditionally (at least I'm pretty sure they do).
4. A roof over my head that is not just a house but a home filled with warmth, love and joy.
5. My faith...this is something no one can ever take from me.
6. My education...yet again, something that can never be taken from me.
7. My health....because any day it can be taken away from me.
8. My friends....because they aren't required to love and accept me like family but they do by choice.
9. All those things that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.
10.Moose, bears, and dogs...just because. =)

well it's almost test time and I had better go repeat my test taking ritual, yes just a little OCD, but it helps with the test anxiety. Blessed to all!

It's been a while

It seems this year has quickly slipped through my fingers. So much school, so little time with my friends and family. I've missed so many precious moments with my family, it physically makes me sick. I pray each time I open my textbooks that it will all be worth it in the end. That the work, worry and time spent with my nose stuck inside a book will pay off with holidays and weekends off, time at home in the evenings to enjoy my husband, dogs and hopefully someday children. It will be worth it right?
So it's my favorite time of year and the trees have been absolutely beautiful this year! It makes me smile to see God's beauty in the reds, golds, greens, browns, yellows and oranges that surround us. It's amazing how well God knows us, probably better than we know ourselves. As stressful as this semester has been, things that probably shouldn't have worked out, have; and things that probably should have worked out that didn't, did so for very good reasons. I'm reminded each day how precious life is and that only God can give that to us.
Tonight is Halloween and I'm ready to pass out loads of candy to kiddos! It's about to start getting dark, so I had better go get the candy ready! I hope everyone has a happy and safe Halloween!

oh my little sweet thing...

I'm decidely married to one of the best men on earth. I'm not sure what other man would put up with my moods, whims, and pure craziness. He is definitely my little sweet thing. He still gives me butterflies and I pray that sensation never goes away. Imagine what the world would be like if everyone was able to have butterflies over their first love and be married to them. What a different world it would be.

So lately I have been struggling with the verse posted at the top of my blog. I know God will guide my steps but my patience is struggling to keep up or to slow down. I'm not sure which. I have all these goals in my life that are very important to me but yet I'm not sure if they are what God wants for me. Am I so blinded by the world that I miss God's completely obvious signs? I pray I am not. Every part of me wants to be a mom so badly but I know the idea of having kids right now would not be conducive to school. See, two goals that are incredibly important to me but so completely contradictory of each other. I keep asking myself though, when will be the right time to have kids? There really isn't one. No one is every truly prepared to have children. So all these plans I have are they as important as my goal to have a family? I guess a truly obvious sign from God would be if I got pregnant. Obviously this hasn't happened yet most likely due to the fact God has a plan for me and I'm not quite in tune with it or I'm looking the wrong way. So please pray for me. Pray that my patience will exceed my expectations and God's will be evident to me.

Thanks.

Favorite State of Mind

I think I have just had quite possibly the best weekend. Blake and Shelly came down with the kids for her brothers wedding to of all people, one of my old volleyball team mates (small world)! I had so much fun. We didn't do a lot but it was nice to see them. My belief that Luke will be an amazing dad was once again reaffirmed. Blake and Shelly had left to go to the wedding and we played with the kids, fed them, bathed them and then started to put them to bed. I was in the bedroom with Gywn when Luke walks in and has Wilder in his arms completely sacked. And as soon as Gywnni saw Luke she went crazy! She LOVES her uncle Luke. He just has a way with kids. They are attracted to him like a magnet to a paperclip! I know he will be an absolutely wonderful dad and someday I promise we will have kids.






Blake, Shelly and the kids left on Sunday morning and about 30 minutes after they left my aunt Sherri, uncle Russ, Granny, Christina, Ryan, and Griffin (cousins) came by. It was nice to see them. Very good to see my Granny and that she is doing okay. We all miss Pawpa terribly but you see her heart break every time she talks about him. I know I would be the same if Luke were gone. It's hard to imagine life without him let alone having to actually do it like Granny. But she is strong and it helps that those crazy cousins of mine keep her busy! Anyhoo, so they stayed a while and then I got to take a nap!!! Yea!!! I LOVE naps! I'm trying to get my energy up for my new start tomorrow. P90X, that's right!!! I'm getting more excited about starting this program because well to be totally honest, I'm tired of being pudgey. Granted I love my oreos but if I can be confident in a bathing suit this summer it's worth giving up my oreos and milk for a while.

So after my wonderful nap, I went on a walk. What an absolutely beautiful day to be outside! There is nothing like walking with your I-pod going. Music makes me want to move! Luke laughs at me all the time when we are in the car because I try to dance in my seat to music on the radio. He thinks I'm crazy. I just kindly remind him, he asked ME to marry HIM. He didn't have to live with a crazy woman. And no I don't deny that I'm crazy. But my philosophy is you got to have a little crazy to make the world a happier place! =)

Well as far as the first day of new week goes, I would say this has been one of the best. Hopefully it will carry on throughout the week. I have doubts that my theory paper will help that much, but I will persevere! =)

P90X or bust?

How many times does it take before one actually sticks to a workout, a healthy eating plan, something actually good for you? Well, I can't tell you how many times I have tried and failed, tried again and failed. I make many excuses, 12 hour shifts, school, the house, the blah blah blah, etc. So Luke and I are going to try
P90X.....together. I'm not sure how this is going to work or if I will be able to stick to it. I'm going to try but I think it would help if I had even the slightest bit of motivation. I have no excitement about this at all. But hopefully by the end of 90 days I will at least have more energy. See...how depressing is it that? All I really want is more energy?!? I should have the motivation or umph to say I'm going to have a six pack and pretty arms and legs! If anyone has inspiration or what keeps you going, PLEASE, I'm begging, share your secret with me!

I will let you know how the program works, how much I like it, etc. Who knows, maybe it will be the revolutionary thing for me.

Summer Breeze, makes me feel fine...

Ah, it's an absolutely beautiful day! And I'm off work! Yippee! Except that I'm writing a paper, pooey. I love spring days. Normally I'm not a summer person, at all. But I do love about 75-80 degree weather. It's just feels good. Gets me ready for fishing and skiing and swimming! Probably should go work on that tan! My white lightning legs would scare everyone away! Ha ha ha ha!
Another reason I love spring weather, my lungs love spring weather! I can breath!!!It also makes me want to get out and do and actually be physically active, as in getting in shape! I plan on running a marathon some day. I really do. Honestly.

Okay, so I really want to change my background. Can anyone tell me how to do this? I mean a whole new template. Thanks!

Got to go write...blah.

The Food Network

I have to make a confession...I'm addicted to the Food Network. I know, I know it's an evil channel to be addicted to. I've about decided anything Paula Deen makes has to be good because of all the butter she puts in things. So not only would you die from a heart attack secondary to the cholesterol intake but you would die with one satisfied yummy tummy! Someday when I win the lottery, I plan on being the next Paula Deen!!!! =) Enjoy!

Bubble Life

I'm beginning to think I should live in a bubble for a while. Yes, I am sick again. So if any one has a spare bubble I could borrow, I would appreciate it. I'm trying to take this in stride and keep telling myself that this is God's challenge for me at this time. I have slowed down like I said I would, I'm taking my vitamins and doing everything the doctor has told me to do, so I'm thinking this is a lesson in patience. I'm okay with that. Things in my life could be a lot worse. I'm very happy to say that I'm BLESSED beyond anything I deserve.

Today in Sunday school, I had a melt down. They were asking for prayer requests and as I was asking to pray for the families of the patient's I lost this week, I burst into tears. I guess I didn't realize how much it affected me until this morning in class. No parent should have to lose their child the way the mother of my patient did the other day. I know that child is safely in the arms of God but I know that mother would give anything to have that child in her arms instead. I know I'm not a mother so I can't even begin to understand what she is going through. All I can say is I will pray for her and hope that God will ease her pain. I ask that all of you please pray for her too. And please tell your loved ones how much you love them.

Well, in addition to my melt down in class, I was very inspired. The discussion was over the last portion of James. It is talking about how prayerful we should be and how in spite of what is going on in our life, whether we are happy, sad, sinful, etc, we should pray to God. I don't pray like I should and agree with Shelly, even one liners would be better than nothing right now. Also, our discussion went perfectly with the sermon. The sermon was about challenging yourself as a Christian and finding new mountains to conquer. So my goal is to increase my prayer life and my mountain I'm going to conquer is yet to be discovered. I want badly to be involved in some sort of mission work. I realize I may not get to do this until I finish school, but I would love to do something now. If anyone has any ideas, please, I'm open to anything!

Last of all, if any one knows of a blue flower that can be used in a bouquet that is not a hydrangea, I would appreciate the tip. Random, I know. Thanks!

"If she want to rock, she rocks, if she want to roll, she rolls..."

Well, it's official, I DO NOT have Mono! yeah!!!

So it's been a pretty rough week at work. I lost 3 patients. Each one was such a different experience and never an easy one. Being a nurse is such a difficult thing when it comes to emotions. You have to maintain professionalism, humanism, sympathy, empathy, and then realism. It is so hard to ask patient's family members if their loved one preferred a funeral home or if they wanted to be an organ donor. It's very awkward. I strongly believe in organ donation. I realize one life was just lost but think of how many others can be saved. It's a beautiful thing in a very difficult time.

Okay, got to get off that now.

I'm trying very hard right now to put off school. I have two papers to write and about 200 pages of pharmacology to read. Needless to say not much fun. I am excited though, my parents and my grandma are going to be in town tomorrow so I will get to see them for a bit.

I have to agree with Shelly Ann right now. I'm ready for warmer weather, sunshine and the outdoors. My feet are getting itchy to go somewhere! If only I had that winning lottery ticket! =)

Well off to the papers I must go.

Mono Y Mono?

As much as I hate to say it, I think I have mono. The dreaded "kissing disease." No, I didn't get it from kissing Luke or anyone else for that matter. One of my co-workers was recently diagnosed and she and I work together a lot, so needless to say, I think I got it from her. It hasn't been fun. My throat hurts almost constantly and I can feel every lymph node from my neck to my ribs. I haven't been officially diagnosed because I haven't heard back from my primary care physician yet. I have a feeling it isn't going to matter. Okay enough on the pity party.

On a much brighter note...I got to see my family this weekend! I love spending time with them. It makes me feel good and right now that is a blessing! I don't think I was too much fun for them but I sure enjoyed them being here. I wish they could have stayed longer, although I don't want to get them sick either. I just wish I could see them more often.

Well as much as I want to keep writing on here, I have to go write papers for school. If only writing those papers was as easy as writing on here....=)

Things I love...

I'm trying to think about the things I love right now because I'm trying not to think about the things I despise, such as theory!!! If ever there were a person who hated writing theory papers, it is me! So in order not to think about it, here are some things I love...

1. My husband. He has a way of balancing me. I guess it's true, opposites do attract. We couldn't be more different yet somehow it just clicks. I love him more and more each day. I think I knew when I first met him, he would be the man I would marry. Scary, since I was only 15 at the time!

2. My family. I'm so lucky to have the family that I do. My family gets a long and actually enjoys spending time together. I'm very very very lucky.

3. My dogs. Even though they drive me crazy and I sometimes want to strangle them, I love them. They make me laugh and they are good cuddlers.

4. Storms. Although my asthma doesn't exactly like storms, the rest of me does. There is something about sitting and watching a storm move in. The clouds, the change of light, the smell, the way the wind starts to blow really hard right before it hits and finally when the sky opens and the rain pours. The best part though is the rainbow afterwards. God's promise, what more do we need?

5. Cookies. My nickname should be the cookie monster, really. I don't care what kind (except lemon and double chocolate), just cookies, oh and maybe some milk with them. =)

6. Ice cream. Mmmmm. Reeses pieces and butterfinger with vanilla ice cream. Heaven on earth.

7. Blankets. Cold weather with a fire in the fireplace and a good, warm, fuzzy blanket.

8. Homemade sweet iced tea.

9. Homemade blackberry cobbler and my family's homemade rolls. They make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside like the blanket makes me feel warm and fuzzy on the outside. =)

10. Fall. The crisp air, football, Halloween, Thanksgiving, etc. It's all GREAT!

11. Christmas. I love the reason for the season. I also love watching other people open presents. I would much rather watch other people open presents than for me to get presents. I also love buying the presents. The thought that goes behind it. Knowing the smile it will bring to whoever it's for. You can ask Luke, I buy him little presents all the time. Normally they involve ice cream or something! =)

12. Music and Books. Obviously not my theory book! Music and books appeal to my imagination and emotions.

13. The little kid that is still a part of me. I love to go swing. I love to play Luke in video games. I love getting sno cones and icees. I love Disney movies. And I love Disney World!

Okay, now I feel better. Theory will always stink but luckily it is for a short amount of time but my favorite things I love will hopefully be around a lot longer!

Harry Potter

Luke and I just watched the last Harry Potter movie and it made me excited to see the new movie. I know there is a lot of controversy about Harry Potter and whether kids should be allowed to read/watch them or not. I personally think that as long as the child knows it is a story and not real life then what is then what is the big deal? Anyways, more I wish I could read the books instead of watching them, unfortunately my Pharmacology book is the only "fun" reading i get to do right now. I know, I know...blah blah blah school. Someday, I promise, school won't run my life! Hopefully it will be kiddos!
Gots to go to sleep so i can absorb my studies! Hope you all are as excited as me about Harry Potter! (July!!!!)
Wilder this one is for you, my little Harry Potter look-a-like =)

When will I learn?

I'm going to the doctor today and I know I am going to get a thorough butt chewing. I don't take care of myself like I should and I know my doctor is going to remind of that.

To all of you who never get sick, please be thankful. Please take your health serious and don't abuse it.

I have a goal to someday run a marathon. I'm thinking it may have to wait until I am done with school. If anyone has any "pointers" I would greatly appreciate it. I know I always talk about school but it is important to me. Sometimes I feel like I place too much emphasis on school. Hence, i think why I am continually sick. Stress has a huge affect on my health. So my goal this semester (I am only going to do one semester at a time) is to spend time studying but also make some time for family, friends, and me, and not feel guilty about it. I haven't told Luke but I really want to start playing golf with him more. I won't always go with him because just like I need alone time, so does he. Here's my "my" time goals, start using my Total Gym, start running again, and do the stuff I love to do! I also want to try new things. Maybe not skydiving but why not bungee jumping? I'm also going to attempt to cut out cokes. I don't know if I can cut out the coke icee's though! They are definitely a treat!

Well now that I have told you all my plan, I better go get started. I hope you all have a good day. Wish me luck at the doctors!

Wilder Willard "Toby" Collins

It has been so long since I have posted a new entry. Life has been a little chaotic since about Thanksgiving. I finished my fall semester of school with two A's! I was very excited the semester was over and that I had actually done well. I was told that was the hardest semester of the entire program. We will have to see about that because Pharmacology (medicines) is kicking my rear end so far!

As it got closer to Christmas, we all found out that my Pappaw was not doing well. As a nurse it was difficult for me to hear this. I knew medically what was going on with him and knew I didn't have much longer with him. It became difficult to talk to my family about it when they would ask me questions because I couldn't tell them he wouldn't be here with us for much longer. We (Blake, Shelly Ann, Wilder, Gwyn, Mom, Dad, Luke and I) all went down to Dallas the Friday after Christmas to spend some time with Granny and Pappaw. Pappaw was in the hospital so our Christmas was spent with him there. When I walked in the room, he finally looked his age. All my life I thought he was "larger than life." Here was this man who played for the Green Bay Packers looking at me with his sad eyes. He knew and I knew it wouldn't be much longer. It's very hard to look into your grandfathers eyes with the knowledge that he and I both know he is suffering. It simply broke my heart. He hated the attention and kept apologizing for being in the hospital. He simply wanted it to be done. By Saturday evening when we left he was so confused and didn't know where he was or what he was doing. Before we left on Saturday from the hospital, the doctor spoke with Granny, Dad, Aunt Sherri and Uncle Terry. Dad pulled me into the room to help explain things once the physician left. By the end of the discussion, I had lost it and couldn't stay in the room. It was too difficult for me. I was very proud of my Granny, Dad, aunt and uncle. They collectively decided to make Pappaw comfortable and let him die peacefully. It didn't take long. Pappaw died on December 30, 2008. I had been at work that day and I guess somehow knew, because I kept waiting on my phone to ring. It finally rang around 8:30 in the evening. I knew before I answered the phone he was gone. Luke and I went down to Dallas the next day for the viewing and to be with the family. I think those days spent with them helped so much. I was proud of my Daddy for letting his emotions flow. I know it was so hard for him and to let it out, I think helped him. The memorial service was on January 5. The entire immediate family was there, all 30+ of us. My Pappaw was a great man and had such a great life. I will miss him greatly but I hope he is catching all sorts of fish in heaven!

Sorry this wasn't such a happy entry but Pappaw earned it. I hope you all have had a good start to your new year. May you all remember to tell the one's you love that you do and how much they mean to you. You may not have tomorrow to do so.