It has been so long since I have posted a new entry. Life has been a little chaotic since about Thanksgiving. I finished my fall semester of school with two A's! I was very excited the semester was over and that I had actually done well. I was told that was the hardest semester of the entire program. We will have to see about that because Pharmacology (medicines) is kicking my rear end so far!
As it got closer to Christmas, we all found out that my Pappaw was not doing well. As a nurse it was difficult for me to hear this. I knew medically what was going on with him and knew I didn't have much longer with him. It became difficult to talk to my family about it when they would ask me questions because I couldn't tell them he wouldn't be here with us for much longer. We (Blake, Shelly Ann, Wilder, Gwyn, Mom, Dad, Luke and I) all went down to Dallas the Friday after Christmas to spend some time with Granny and Pappaw. Pappaw was in the hospital so our Christmas was spent with him there. When I walked in the room, he finally looked his age. All my life I thought he was "larger than life." Here was this man who played for the Green Bay Packers looking at me with his sad eyes. He knew and I knew it wouldn't be much longer. It's very hard to look into your grandfathers eyes with the knowledge that he and I both know he is suffering. It simply broke my heart. He hated the attention and kept apologizing for being in the hospital. He simply wanted it to be done. By Saturday evening when we left he was so confused and didn't know where he was or what he was doing. Before we left on Saturday from the hospital, the doctor spoke with Granny, Dad, Aunt Sherri and Uncle Terry. Dad pulled me into the room to help explain things once the physician left. By the end of the discussion, I had lost it and couldn't stay in the room. It was too difficult for me. I was very proud of my Granny, Dad, aunt and uncle. They collectively decided to make Pappaw comfortable and let him die peacefully. It didn't take long. Pappaw died on December 30, 2008. I had been at work that day and I guess somehow knew, because I kept waiting on my phone to ring. It finally rang around 8:30 in the evening. I knew before I answered the phone he was gone. Luke and I went down to Dallas the next day for the viewing and to be with the family. I think those days spent with them helped so much. I was proud of my Daddy for letting his emotions flow. I know it was so hard for him and to let it out, I think helped him. The memorial service was on January 5. The entire immediate family was there, all 30+ of us. My Pappaw was a great man and had such a great life. I will miss him greatly but I hope he is catching all sorts of fish in heaven!
Sorry this wasn't such a happy entry but Pappaw earned it. I hope you all have had a good start to your new year. May you all remember to tell the one's you love that you do and how much they mean to you. You may not have tomorrow to do so.
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